More Ranting

This passed week has been a mixture of feelings. I have been happy and also sad. Earlier this week I found out one of my friends that I have known since grade two lost his father to cancer. I felt so bad for him because his Mother just got over cancer as well. His father only had it for a short time. He went quickly which is good. I ended up going to the visitation for his father. I didn't know what else to say except I'm sorry for your lost. I could tell Aaron was really hurting the most. His Dad and him were really close. I know his father was proud of him. Aaron was his only son. I really hope everything works out for the rest of family. They don't need anymore bad news. I want to hear some good news from them instead....I also found out this week that I actually could be staying with company that I'm currently working for after the summer. This is good news. I may get moved into a different area as well! Which is very cool. I need something more to challenge me. Parking isn't challenging enough for me....Finally I have a weekend off. Next weekend I plan on going to Guelph to go Hillside Festival. In a perfect world, I will be going with Jonathan. But I know how his plans change a lot. I would really like to hang out with him for the day. I haven't had a chance in so long to spend the entire day with him. I want to see if it can be done. But that would be up to him. I don't even know if he is going to Hillside. Or if he plans on going with his "friend" Jen. I will call him tomorrow....I had an interesting chat with one of my friends. His name is Andre. He actually pointed something out to me that made me think. I think I always knew about it, but I didn't want to face up to it. Now that I know about it I want to clear things up once and for all. It may hurt me in the end, but I need to know. I can't go on living like this. It isn't fair to me or to others who may want me more....Yesterday was very weird for me as well. I haven't been so horny in suck a lot time. lol It was good though. At least I know I still have it in me. Now only if I could express how I feel with a guy. ;) And I will end with that!

Some Thoughts

So a couple of days ago I added this guy on to my msn. I have been wanting to talk to him for a while now. He happened to have a live journal and I read some of his entries. I also met him first on faceparty. Well so I finally got a chance to talk with him and he found out who I was...Then he blocked me. Which I thought was pretty rude. The guy didn't even give me a chance. I'm not going to make a big deal out of it though. It is his lost as far as I'm concerned...I went and visited my friend Jay yesterday. I had a lot of fun with him. There is a part of me that wonders if there could be more to us than friendship. But every time I think about Jay in that way, I don't really care to have him as a boyfriend. The only thing that I think would be good would be the sex. And having a relationship just based on sex isn't really that cool. I want to be able to hang out with my bf and have fun with him. That can include sex but other things as well. That is all I have to say for now.

That is my final answer for now...

So after much thinking and phoning and talking to others, I have decided taking the apartment right now would not be to the best of my interest. What really made change my mind is the fact I may not have a full time job after labour day weekend. There were a couple of other factors as well, but not having a full time job in Septmeber was my biggest concern. Oh well. Maybe next time....I seemed to have a problem...I am a guy, in fact I am gay guy. I seem to get girls to like me more than guys! Which really sucks because I don't want girls that way-but friendships are cool. But I want guys that way-but they just want friendships. It seems as though I can't win! I was talking to this person who I work with and she told me I should move to a bigger city. I think she is right about that one. I mean I do like St. Catharines but there are just isn't enough good gay guys here. I think Toronto might be better for me or Montreal. I know some really great people in Toronto. I should start planning now if I tend to move somewhere else....Another thing is, I'm tired of not letting my parents know about me being gay. I don't want to lie to them anymore. If they truly love me, then they will be fine with it.

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions...

So I finally took a look at this apartment. It is really nice. It has a lot of room just for one person. In fact I'm still debating if I should take it. I think the one thing that I would like to have is a roommate. The problem being I would need to find one. I have one particular friend who I would want to room with. I told him about it, but I don't know if he is interested. I think he might be, but I dunno for sure. The thing is even if he doesn't decide to move in with me, I'm sure I could find someone else...hopefully. This is a big decision for me right now. I don't think I will find anything better than this...